The Column That Wasn't

By shane

Shane's taking the month of February off because, well, he's pretty much pissed at the world. Some factors involved in this hiatus include:

  • The fact that Shane thinks that the new Oasis album is a festering pile of feces. Seeing as how he's a pretty huge fan of the band, he was quite looking forward to its arrival with baited breath. Upon hearing it, however, he promptly took a deep breath before chucking the promo tape right out the window. When he heard "Go Let It Out," he was heard to declare, "Ain't half bad." (Which is kinda funny, since he never says the word "ain' t") But when he came to the track "Put Your Money In Your Mouth," he just started laughing, and pretty much didn't stop until the album finished. He was particularly amused by the Liam-penned track, "Little James," in which he took particular joy at the rhyming couplets, "Live for your toyS/even though they make noiSe/Have you ever played with plasticENE/even tried a trampoLENE/I'm singing this sONG/for you and your [errrm.]mOM." The latter of which actually caused him to nearly ditch the Beetle into a rather hefty snowdrift. All told, Shane's pretty perturbed at Oasis' lack of creativity, depth, or pretty much ANYTHING.


  • Another thing that caused Shane to put his February column on hiatus was his absolute displeasure of the new Primal Scream record, which seems to be appealing to every OTHER rock critic in the free world. This makes Shane feel somewhat threatened in his opinion that the record is an over-hyped, producer-controlled, stale and redundant piece of techno drivel. He thinks that the entire "Xtrmntr" album is a morbidly soul-less affair, which surprised Shane a lot, given that the album was the first recorded with ex-Stone Roses bassist Mani. Shane's also kinda bummed that Kevin Shields has essentially joined the band, because Shane's of the opinion that Kevin Shields needs to get his shit together and put out a new My Bloody Valentine record.


  • Another reason why Shane's pretty depressed is because he's been listening to far too much of this new Cure album, which he thinks is one of the best things he's heard in months. Several of his friends were surprised to get a phone call from him expanding on the wonders of "Bloodflowers." Most of these friends have written Shane's opinion off as a possible "chemical imbalance," but Shane's quick to point out that the record is, essentially, "Disintegration" with slightly worse songs and slightly better production - which, he figures, isn't too bad of a compromise.


  • Shane's also a bit perturbed because his newest import order, which should have the Animal House EP, as well as the Bluetones single, hasn't arrived yet - and he really wanted to describe the wonders of both to his hordes of readers.


  • He's also kind of bummed that the Beta Band webcast on Virtue TV is lacking a bit in the broadcast quality department, because it's a blindingly brilliant show, and he's hoping that people give it a chance at least long enough to see and hear their stunning live version of "The House Song," which occurs at roughly 1 hour and 22 minutes into the broadcast.


  • But mostly, he's pissed at the world because he's hopelessly in love with a girl who obviously has little to no fleeting interest in him whatsoever, and he just got through hearing a mutated version of the "friend" speech tonight that's pretty much crushed his soul. He's aggravated that someone as shockingly perfect as she can't seem to find happiness in her life, with or without him. (But we surmise that he'd certainly prefer the "with" option.) Despite everything, he really hopes that she finds some joy in life, and maybe just find somebody who makes her feel as wonderful as he does when he's around her. In layman's terms, we're pretty much sure Shane' s "pulling a Ducky," and we suppose he's just feeling pretty much pathetic at the moment. In fact, we're estimating that he's coming down on himself pretty hard right about now for not being able to find any shade of romance in his life for nigh on two years now. and he's pretty irate about the whole situation. So he's off having a good (albeit macho and manly) cry over The Cure, Nick Drake, and This Mortal Coil, which, he's heard, can be pretty potent stuff when mixed.

Don't worry, though, he'll be back next month in fine form - I have it on good word.